


Family Correspondance

by MissE



Category: Original Work
Genre: Comedy, Dark, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-30
Updated: 2011-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissE/pseuds/MissE
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mum is still leaving notes about the housework and life in general, and it's getting a bit much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Correspondance

**Author's Note:**

> **Notes:** This is dark, but not _really_ dark. There's not torture, except of the over-nurturing kind, and nothing gruesome (just don't look in the fridge.) There's no mass slaughter, but there are themes of death and the supernatural running through this little family drama. Oh, and references to homosexuality.

Sweetie,

There’s a pot pie in the oven, and please remember to clean your bathroom. Honestly, how are you able to bring a nice girl back here with the bathroom in that state?

Love,  
Your mother

~~~~~

Dad,

She’s at it again. She left me a note talking about a pot pie in the fridge, and to clean the bathroom. Okay, granted, a guy’s sense of ‘clean enough’ may not be the same as a mother’s sense, but… Can you talk to her? Please?

Love,  
Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

There’s nothing I can do. I’ve spoken to your mother, and I’ve spoken to her priest, but she’s adamant that there’s still things she needs to do. Maybe if you get in and do your bathroom, like she said. It’s worth a shot.

Love,  
Dad

~~~~~

Dear Dad,

And when the bathroom’s clean, what? The fridge?

Love,  
Duncan

~~~~~

Sweetie,

I know you tried with the bathroom, but it’s still not quite clean and fresh. You know, like the way I did it? I think you need to change your cleanser. I’ve left a catalogue with the cleanser I use marked. You should try it.

Love,  
Your mother

~~~~~

Dear Dad,

Can you talk to her again? Now she’s complaining about the brand of cleaner I use.

Love,  
Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

I bought the cleanser for you, it’s in your bathroom cabinet. For the love of God, use it. She’s nagging me, too. The priest said that if she starts nagging him, he’s going to get the local wise woman, who he utterly does not know, to have a word.

Love,  
Dad

~~~~~

Dad,

Okay, I’ve used the cleanser. Have you heard from her?

Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

Not yet. Fingers crossed.

Dad

~~~~~

Sweetie,

That was a really good try with the bathroom. You used the cleanser I use, and it has made all the difference. I just think you missed the corner behind the, you know, the suite? Maybe if you try using the dustpan brush?

Love,  
Your mother

~~~~~

Dad,

She’s back. Now she’s telling me to sweep behind the loo. I mean, who looks there? Besides mum, of course.

Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

Well, if your mum would look there, who’s to say a girl you bring home wouldn’t? And then she’s out the door, and you’re out of luck. Besides, it’ll get your mother off your back. Isn’t that worth a little extra effort?

Dad

~~~~~

Dad,

I guess. But where is it going to end? First it’s the bathroom, next it’s the dirt behind the loo. And is this the time to tell you it isn’t girls I’m bringing home?

Love,  
Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

So long as it isn’t dogs, I don’t really care. I don’t think I could look Lassie in the eye if you did.

Love,  
Dad

~~~~~

Dad!

God! That is so wrong! Though… Lassie was a laddie, under all that hair. If you get what I mean.

Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

I hope you realise I wasted an entire cup of coffee reading that. Not to mention the flashbacks during the day. I need to see a picture of the kind of … guest you bring home. Clothed, of course. Please.

Dad

~~~~~

Dad,

Please find enclosed a picture of my last … friend.

Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

Well, at least you have taste. And an appreciation of your own species, which is always a bonus, especially given our recent conversations. Am I going to need to have a discussion with someone as regards their ability to support my son?

Dad

~~~~~

Dad!

No. God, no. I am a fully independent adult, fully capable of supporting myself, as well as any partner I see fit to, how shall I put this, co-habit with? Not that I’m even thinking of it at the moment. I’m just having fun, meeting people, that sort of thing.

Duncan

~~~~~

Sweetie,

Have you thought about changing your brand of personal lubrication? I understand there’s a new brand on the market, which is said to be gentle on the system, and warms on contact. Your gentleman friends might appreciate the thoughtfulness, and I did raise you to be thoughtful, after all.

Love,  
Your mother

~~~~~

Dad,

I am forwarding this letter to you. I am not discussing it. Get the priest to talk to that woman that he doesn’t know, and, God, does that sound dirty!

Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

I spoke to the priest, and he’s talking to the wise woman now. Well, as soon as he can, given his duties, and the fact he has to be very discrete while visiting her, and, yes, that does sound very dirty. But he’s a very good man, and has looked after this parish for a good number of years. Hopefully this thing with your mother won’t drive him over the edge.

Dad

~~~~~

Sweetie,

I left an apple pie in the oven – it should be ready by the time you get home. I also had a look around, and the house looks lovely. But, as you know, a mother’s work is never done. I’ll check in on you again, later this week.

Love,  
Your mother

~~~~~

Dad,

This is getting urgent. She’s now saying that a mother’s work is never done. Now, I love my mother, but I’m an adult, and I need my space. Are you getting this level of ‘care’?

Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

No. But then, you are her son, her only child. Maybe she just wants to see you settled? Have you thought about maybe finding a nice boy to settle down with, someone who will cook you good meals, and look after the house? She worries, son. You know that.

Dad

~~~~~

Dad,

There’s ‘worries’ and there’s ‘obsessed’. She’s feeding me, she’s telling me to clean the bathroom, and she’s suggesting lube, and that last one? Totally crossing the line. Speaking of which, how’s the priest going with his ‘wise’ woman?

Duncan

~~~~~

Duncan,

I do understand that you are upset, and feel like she’s trying to control your life, but this should be slowing down, at least. Father Henderson has spoken with Mrs Arbuckle, and they have been talking to your mother, so here’s hoping.

Dad

~~~~~

Sweetie,

It seems that some people think I’m being a touch over-involved in your life, especially given recent … changes in my life. It’s just that I worry about you, and I want you to have a good life, like I have had. If you really want me to leave you alone, well, send me a letter.

Love,  
Your mother

~~~~~

Duncan,

Father Henderson said that your mother may need to hear from you directly. Maybe if you write her a letter, and maybe leave it on the bench, wherever she leaves your letters? It’s worth a shot.

Dad

~~~~~

Dear Mum,

Okay, first of all, I want to tell you that I love you, I really do. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. But. This interfering in my life, telling me to clean my bathroom, leaving me food, and … the other stuff. It has to stop. I mean it. I will always love you, but I am a grown man. I am successful (thank you for always believing in me, that I could succeed) and I’m doing well in, well, all areas of my life. I love you, and I will always miss you, but you need to stop. Now. I know you think you’re helping, but you’re not. You’re not letting me get used to not having you around all the time, and it’s not helping either of us. Please.

Love,  
Your loving son,  
Duncan

~~~~~

Sweetie,

Okay. I’ve spoken with Father Henderson and that strange woman, Mrs Arbuckle. And I’ve read your letter (lovely letter, so sweet) and I will do as you’ve asked. I will let you go, let you … be free. But, please, promise me you’ll take care of yourself. Find yourself a nice young man (or woman, I’m not fussy, and I would like grandchildren someday) to settle down with, and be happy. And keep talking to your dad. I know he’s got that Sophie from Kent St that he’s seeing now, and she’s always kept a nice house, good cook, good woman. But he still needs to hear from your regularly. I love you, and I always will. So I’ll be going, now. Father Henderson says it’s a wonderful place. I wish I could let you know how good it really is, but, well, there’s no coming back.

Be good.

Love, and farewell,  
Your mother

~~~~~

Dad,

Well, I think that’s it. I think she’s finally moved on. And I hope Heaven’s just as nice as Father Henderson promised. She was a good woman, and she totally deserves it.

But what’s this I hear about Sophie from Kent St?

Love,  
Duncan


End file.
